Dreamer

By surprise he crept in.
He moved so smoothly,
I was sure I was dreaming.
I turn around to see his beautiful face -
but he is gone.
He left me, just as quietly as he came.

2.0

Somewhere in the last year, I forgot the extent of God's love for me.  I forgot the ways in which he touched my heart. I forgot his tenderness and about his attention to detail.  I forgot that he wants to set my heart aflame with his love. I forgot that he is with me, always.

I want to walk consciously with that thought, that God is ALWAYS with me. It transforms thought and it shifts paradigms.

On a different note..............
I love Lord of the Rings.  My favorite character is Arwen, I want to be like her.  There is this fierce beauty to her.  She is both an elegant maiden and a warrior.  Tolkien describes her in the following way:

Young she was and yet not so. The braids of her dark hair were touched by no frost; her white arms and clear face were flawless and smooth, and the light of stars was in her bright eyes, grey as a cloudless night; yet queenly she looked, and thought and knowledge were in her glance, as of one who has known many things that the years bring.

Obviously, there is a bit of fantasy here, something I will never be able to physically attain...but I'd like to be captivating, and inviting, elegant and wise. I cannot strive to be like that though...it would defeat the purpose.  To be beautiful is to be at rest.  I cannot strive, instead I must be.  And to be, I must find myself in God. For it's his beauty that lasts.  My beauty is only a result of his.

1.0

A couple close girlfriends and I have started a quest. We are single, and important to many single girl's is her heart.  Our hearts, as women, are beautiful things.  They are like jewels, to be cherished and sought after.  Like the King's prized gems, they are kept locked away for a select few to enjoy, including himself. He gazes upon his jewels lovingly, he makes sure they shine brightly and beautifully.  To be this beautiful gem, however, the stone had to be chiseled, scrapped, smoothed, sanded, polished. The King desired them too much to leave them how they were, he knew that they were beautiful and deserved display, for others to look on their beauty in awe.  Had it not been for the King's fierce devotion to his crowned jewels, they would not be so beautiful.

So during the next 24 hours we are intentionally choosing love.  We are choosing love over our comfort.  We are choosing to throw ourselves into the arms of God in hopes that he will take our hearts and take care of them.

It's hard to release control, but it's necessary.  I know I cannot take as good of care of my heart as he can.  I need him to hold it.

Beginning this process, I've raked through my heart and have found that I am painfully insecure (something not completely surprising to discover).  This is not a competition.  I'm not meant to strive.  I'm meant to be, to exist, to live in the fullness of who I've been created to be.

What does that look like?  I don't know.
How do I be vulnerable while still protecting my heart? I don't know.

I suppose the only answer I do have, is that we must love people the way God has loved us.
I know that that means to love with the risk of that love not being returned.
It means to love selflessly.
It means to love passionately.
It means to love purely.
It means sacrifice.
It means surrendering your heart.
It means knowing your design.
It means giving grace, and allowing grace for yourself.
It means being intentional with relationships.
It means being tender.
It means loving honestly.

How do I do that while still "protecting my heart"? I don't know yet.

I hope that God will show me.  I desire to know his heart for me.