Life Quote

How to Guard a Heart

If any one of you have ever been in a relationship before and have gotten your heart broken, you know the process is especially painful.

Yes, as if the break wasn't bad enough, it seems that everything reminds you of them. For me, even one suggestion of them (no matter how subtle or slight or even indirect) lifted the flood gates and brought in a whole slew of emotions and memories.

Sometimes, sleep is your worst nightmare - which makes things very difficult when it seems all you want to do is sleep - but whilst asleep, you dream about them. For me, it was one of three things: 1) we broke up over and over again; 2) I watched as he fell in love with someone new; or 3) some terrible combination of the previous two in which I am completely rejected. I woke up, every day exhausted, sad, and already defeated.

Then, when they move on and you still have a them-shaped hole in your heart, it feels like a knife has been stabbed into the hole that seemed to be healing. And you hurt all over again, exposed and raw.

As a woman, I often question my value and worth. And though I would LOVE to say that my identity is found solely and completely in God. It's in painful moments like these when I realize how easily I bruise, and how truly unstable even my most basic ideas of identity and worth are as a Christian and as a woman.

The mind is terrible at times. It's powerful, and it is often the primary place of attack from the enemy of our souls.

I used to be all about soaking in the hurt. I didn't mean to, but it's like I couldn't help it. I really hurt and these "peace" and "joy" characters certainly didn't feel very present in my reality. I would often wake up and think to myself, "so this is another day I must endure. I wonder if I will always feel this empty and sad and alone."

But that was the old me...the me for as long as I can remember.
And now I'm changing. And change is painful, but mostly good.

Having been broken in more ways than I thought possible, I've become less, and have taken on more of Him. That makes sense when you think that in our brokenness we are often sustained by His healing presence - that is, if we let Him.

So, here I am...totally and completely broken, but held together and fortified by the UNCONDITIONAL, NEVER ENDING love of my Saviour, my King, which gives me strength and hope and breathes life and light back into the lifeless darkness I've been calling home.

Proverbs 4:23 says "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."

Often people can read that verse and believe it is their responsibility to be the 'guard' this verse talks about, but if you know anything about humans...we aren't so great at being impenetrably strong. At least, most of the humans I know. And even if you are an exception to this rule, you aren't the BEST guard - I mean, don't get offended, how could you be? You don't see all the moving pieces and even your greatest efforts of strength have an expiry date.

The best way I know how to guard my heart is to place it the strongest hands I know - God's.

'Above all else, guard your heart'?
If with God, the almighty, omnipotent one, my heart is found - seems like it'd be pretty safe there.

'For everything you do flows from it...'
If my heart is in God's hands, that means I'm surrounded by Him. I'm enveloped by Him. All senses are cut off - I see only Him. I'm overwhelmed by Him. And soon my actions will reflect my changed environment. Almost like, His touch rubs off on me.

Another aspect of this verse that shouldn't be overlooked is the sheer value and price put on our hearts. Your heart, my heart.

"Above all else" -- wow, God talks about my heart like it's the Kingdom's most prized possession...and to Him, it is.

Your heart, my heart, is of immeasurable worth and value to God.

It is in knowing that He values it that much that we also know we can trust Him with it. To not only guard it well, but to turn it - however broken it may be - into something beautiful, reflecting Him, and then to lead our strong and hopeful yet softened hearts into a place of true joy.

So, as I enter into this season of change, and perhaps, as you do too - if protecting your heart is your prerogative, take it out of your charge, and give it to the one who is all-powerful, whose strength never fails.

It seems simple enough, doesn't it?

But can we trust God like this?

Can you?

Can I?

Maybe you are your own strength, but I can only boast in my weakness and cling to the one in whom my strength is found...and my joy is found...my hope is found...really, my everything is found! God.

He helps me to love again, to trust again, to hope again, to find my strength and to live victoriously - not simply endure. And on top of all of that, I know that my heart is so prized and valuable, that it is WORTH fighting for and to be won -- by someone that my King deems worthy. 

There's one last verse I want to leave you with to prove my whole point of our Lord being the ultimate guardian of our hearts: 

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give him thanks." - Pslam 28:7 

-A

Homesick

A poem I wrote about chasing after love but never finding satisfaction.



We walk aimlessly
Down empty streets
And shaded alleys
For love we cannot find. 

Behind corner stores,
Between the grocery shelves,
Burried in crowded rows, and
Beyond uncaring screens – we search. 

We even crack the spine,
read the turn of riddled lines,
but find them empty too.

Surely, filled with love,
but none for you. 

Whilst lovers roam, desperately,
some believe they find the key.
But still they see they lack a single piece.
Such a strange, large spot to fill. 

I’ve witnessed none like it before -
Amongst the shelves, the streets or screens.
We still believe a gem is there amongst
the grime and dirt we see. 

Some find one they think may fit.
But trying they can't touch fingertips. 

Others, seem to fill the space,
but it hurts when shoved into place. 

We're either left with gaping holes, or we suffocate. 

Lovesick. 
Perhaps, homesick –
is what we really are.

Surrender

I'm falling in love with so much more than me.

This is a poem I wrote called "Surrender" It's about laying down your heart for God's heart. It's about searching after the ultimate love.

When I alone plan the course before

Less grace upon my head is poured

So I give up my heart to all of you

When I seek to gain an honored place

I know that I may fall from grace

So I give up my heart to all of you

When I pray that I may find true love

I fix my eyes on things above

And I give up my heart to all of you

When I think upon my hopes and dreams

And I pray about what might be

I give up my heart to all of you

It’s in you a put my trust,

It’s in you I put my faith,

It’s in you that all my dreams come true.

You are my everlasting love

On you I set my sights upon

In you I find true love and happiness.

You are enough,

You are enough,

You are enough for me.

So I give up my heart to all of you.

     It's hard to give up your heart, but God doesn't mistreat it.  God takes our hearts, heals the damage that's been done to it. He treats it like the precious treasure that it is. Proverbs 4:23

     It hurts because he refuses to just give us a band-aid, he removes the splinter and medicates the wound.  He loves us too much to let us live with an infection. Even if, like a young child, we fight and thrash and protest against His aid. Or when tears roll down our cheeks from the pain of removal. But He saves us from infection, or perhaps a fate far worse than that. Jeremiah 33:6

     All the while, He sees us through, comforting us. He gives us hope, love and the faith to dream of more than we would have previously settle for - because we didn't know our worth, we didn't know how the father has always seen us. Romans 8:29-32

     Dream big, all the while surrendering all of yourself to all of Him. The deeper we seek after God, the more our hearts align with His-the more our desries align with His. Matthew 6:21

     When we are seeking after the things of the Lord, it is far more likely that our desires will be given to us. Psalm 37:4-6    

     And in His perfect timing, He will bring about the truest, deepest, desires of our hearts. Ephesians 3:17b-20 

     If God is "good" than He is always good - even in our lack. Psalm 107:9

My Hope is You

Lately I've been reading this blog.

Lately I've been going through trials of my own. Feeling trapped in my own life, feeling trapped in my own world. But upon reading this blog, starting from the beginning of her trials, mine dwarf in comparison.

Now, I'm not here to compare, rather to put into perspective my own trials - that my seemingly large problems and my deep valleys are nothing more than speed bumps and potholes.

Last night I didn't quite blame God for the hurt I've felt, but I was very close. And that distrust, that anger is exactly where the enemy wants me to hold onto, to dwell upon. Instead, I force myself to remember all of my hope and joy that He gives me, hoping that if I force it long enough, it will become real.

I have to grasp tightly onto the promises that God has given me, the love he promises to me and gives me freely and I must remember that when He is with me, I can make it through anything, "God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day." Psalm 46:5